i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
