fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
