Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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