I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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