There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
