I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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