I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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