Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i dont even know how to be here
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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