i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
