I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
