i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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