When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
