Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
