So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
