Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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