i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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