I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
