Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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