All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
