I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
