I just cut my nipple shaving
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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