So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
