Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
