i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
