I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
