No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I need moral support for this bender
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
