Your dad touched me again.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
