They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
