Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
