Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
