Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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