i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
