This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
