The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
