i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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