It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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