Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
