I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
