margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
