I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
