Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so explain again why im purple
no
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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