What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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