I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
