I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
