Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
