What did we do last night that was yellow?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Less talking, more tequila
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
