I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
