Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I am never drinking with the goths again.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
