Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
