I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
