Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
