She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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