Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
