So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
