Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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