i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
